Rain and my Alzheimer's Walk

*~*~*grab a drink and a snack - this is a long one*~*~*

Again yesterday, I was in the funk.  It seemed every attempt I made to get happy back fired in my face.  
First of all I slept in.  I've been doing that lately, and to be honest, I don't like it.  I like getting up at 4am with my hubby and staying up better than sleeping in late.  I just felt groggy, had no energy.  There was some excitement when we went to pick up the kids waterslide they'd been saving up for.  But then routine hit again - had to go to the grocery store.  Then the wonderful rain blew in.  Ahhhh.  I love a cool gray rainy day!

This one came with some excitement.  LOTS of thunder and lighting and, of course, tons of heavy rain.   We got over an inch and a half rain yesterday afternoon alone.  Power flickered a few times, kids panicked, I jumped once or twice.  It was great!  That is when I had my 2nd wind and made the Black Bean and Orange Hummus from Kathi.  I've never made hummus before but there was so many flavorful ingredients in this recipe I could hardly contain myself to try it. 

I liked it.  It didn't have the fireworks of flavors I thought it would have, but it was good.  I sooo wish I could have gotten a picture of my daughter's face when she tried it.  I was laughin so hard!!!  Needless to say, it was not a winner in the kids eyes, and hubby said I'll just take the 1000 Island as he walked passed the hummus to the fridge.  Hmmmpf.  I think that rubbed me the wrong way.  I had so much fun making this treat and then no one liked it. 

Hubby kept asking me what was wrong.  I didn't know.  I just felt --blah.  Later, I put on my new shoes and went for a walk.  Oh it felt so good!  Cool crisp air still wet ground and the scent of rain hung in the air.  I was at full attention and ready to walk!  I decided not to walk down to the park by my house cuz frankly, I'm tired of feeling like a hamster on the wheel.  I have to walk to the park, around 6 times, and back home to only get 4.8 miles.  1 lap, 2 laps, is that 3?  4?  2 more to go.  1 more to go.  It's just daunting.  So I decided I would walk to my parents house and back again.  Even as I made this decision, I wasn't sure I'd actually stop in and see my parents.  I forgot to mention I got in an arguement with my father when we got back from running errands and I felt like a 17 year girl getting lectured.  When I stood my ground and fought back, then I was the bad girl.  ugh. 

So as I'm walking I hear the horrific squeek squeek squeek that I only then remembered that I hate about New Balance shoes.  All my NB have done this in the past.  The whole time I walked yesterday, squeek squeek squeek.  You can only imagine how that amphlified my mood.  A good mile into my walk, the sky got darker than normal for 5:30pm and I heard thunder.  CRAP!  And I believe that is exactly what I texted to Kathi!  I thought, I'll walk to the top of this hill and if it continues, I'll just turn around.  A true sign from God - when I got to the top of the hill a string of lightning zippered across the sky.  LEFT TURN and home I headed.   Now if you're still with me this is where it turns pathetically funny - I GOT LOST GOING BACK TO MY OWN HOUSE!  I rarely drive that dircection to my parents house, but hubby does all the time.  Turn here then turn here the go around and up the hill, then turn again.  or whatever the directions are, but I usually get lost and can find my way out eventually and if on the wrong end of the pennisula, I just drive around the lake and I'm home.  No biggie - - - unless you're walking alone and it starting to lightning and your shoes are going squeek squeek squeek!!!!  I went one way and ended up on a busy end of the pennisula that has no shoulder, lots of blind spots and is very unsafe to walk - especially around dusk!  But I had no choice and thought I'd just walk to the first road and then cut through.  Sure enough some lady in a Jeep didn't seem to think she could use the other end of her lane let alone the entire other empty lane to get over and about hit me.  Eventually I got back to being lost, and called my husband to just come get me.  I was about to cry.  How pathetic to get lost in your neighboring neighborhood.  I felt like an alzheimer patient, which only depressed me more.  I came around the corner and realized where I was,  I called hubby and said I was okay and would be home in about 10-15 minutes.  As I came over the hill, though, there was hubby with the kids driving to get me.  I was happy, embarassed, but mostly just exhausted.  When I got home I just layed on the couch.  Hubby came and talked to me.  I realized I was bored or funky or whatever.  Every day is the same thing.  Sleep in, eat, try to clean up, run to the grocery, run to the bank, or inject any other location for errands, come home still try to clean up, dread what's for dinner, clean up,  and go to bed.  Only to start it all over again the next day.  I've been off of work for 2 1/2 months now.  Maybe I'm lacking the need to do any thing each day - not out of laziness, but just because there is always tomorrow.  And nothing that I am doing, is really necessary.    No time table.  No pressure.  Hubby said I have the Mr Mom Syndrome. 

So as I layed on the couch, I watched Mr Mom.  And laughed and laughed.  The kids came and joined me and they laughed, too.  Later on, once the kids were in bed, I put the capper on my healthy and happiness and went to McDonald's at 9pm for a cheeseburger, fries, and a Diet Coke.  I knew tomorrow would be different...it had to be.