Wednesday, November 23, 2011
What are you thankful for, everyone asks.
I'm thankful for family, friends, my health - isn't that what everyone says? Is it just a cliche? Just a programmed response, like "I want World Peace for CHRISTmas?
I sit here tonight and think about all of these things...
This Thanksgiving, I feel ripped apart. My life for whatever reason has taken a new turn since summer and early fall. I don't think the same, I don't feel the same. I question everything and everyone. My mind has been spinning and shaken and rolled around like a set of dice in a Yahtzee cup.
So I sit here on Thanksgiving Eve and go through the typical check list and wonder, What am I thankful for and am I truly thankful?
I am thankful for family. Although I love all of my family, I am most thankful for my inner family - my husband and children. My world revolves around them. I cannot imagine for a single second, them not being in my life. Just seeing my children, warms my heart and puts a smile on my face. The smell of their hair, the warmth of their skin, the depth of their hugs, the glow of their smiles - I just cannot put it into words. I do know I would lay down my life, without question, in a heartbeat for either of my children. NOTHING is more important in my life than my kids. I struggle sometimes with the fact that I'm not pure enough to say God is the ultimate in my life, because until I can understand better, my kids are the ultimate in my life.
My husband - we have a relationship like no other. I don't know if it's the Italian in me or the stubborn farmer in him~ we butt heads a lot, but love like mad! I, myself, don't understand it some times, but I know he is meant for me and I am meant for him. And the bond between us is strong and thick! From the moment he smiled at me the very first day I met him, I was in and still am in love!
My brother, to me, has always been a quiet back burner kind of guy, but I want him to shine and come forward in my life. Maybe he always has, but that I have been too wrapped up in my own messed up world to break out and see how bright he shines and acknowledge how wonderful he is! I love him very much! And I am very, very thankful for him! And now, later in life, as they have come along, I am thankful for his wife and the wonderful nephews they have shared with us. I am honored to be the boy's Godmother and treasure the laughter I share with Joelle, my sister-in-law.
My health - what a joke. I take my health for granted every single day of my life. I sit here tonight eating potato chips, cheese and sausage, and drinking wine, while a dear sweet friend, Kathi, lies in a hospital bed. At what point does it finally click - Your health is a priority!!!!! I struggle daily to make better decisions but sometimes am just weak or flippant at the moment. I need to snap out of it, and realize that Jane and Kathi and Chris have made amazing leaps in their health and that it's hard, it's strenuous, but that it's totally worth it!
My friends - certainly not least. Jane is the number one friend in my life. She didn't just step up after a so called prior best friend was removed from my life. Jane was always number one, and I knew that in my mind and heart, but just didn't put it into words until I lost it. Now, I didn't lose Jane as my friend (thank God), I lost the 25 steps across the street for a glass of wine and good conversation, or the smile and wave as she drove down the street home from work, or the endless, without question, generosity and servitude that only Jane and her husband John can offer. I always say Jane appeared like an angel the day I was 6 months pregnant, bent over, trying to start a lawn mower in the driveway. Out of no where she appeared, helped me and then -poof- was gone in seconds. Thank God, literally, she came over shortly after my daughter was born and that a wonderful friendship has blossomed!
I have just a few other close heartwarming wonderful friends - Kathi, Chris, Shalene, Dawn. I'd rather have a few close loyal sincere friends, than 1000 fake , false, pseudo~friends. Each of these ladies, I trust and know they were sent from above. They've touched my life uniquely and continue to teach me, in their own ways, how to be a better person by just knowing them.
I have my faults, but when I love someone, I love them loyally and without question.
And I am very thankful for these things I mention today!
P.S.. I am NOT thankful for scales or fat cell!