Thursday, May 12, 2011


It seems this week, more than usual, I am dealing with a lot of confrontation.  I just hate it.  In my younger days I could thrive on confrontation - maybe I should have been a lawyer.  But lately, I'm just done with arguing.  And it seems it's coming at me from all angles. 
I do have to say, I check myself.  Meaning, I try to step outside myself and look at the situation from other's point of view.  I do feel some relief when someone else backs me up on the issue ~ not because their my friend, but because they too feel something is wrong. 
I think part of my problem is, I'm changing from a fighter to a nonfighter, and I'm not sure my system knows how to deal with that.  I'm saying, This isn't worth it just let it go.  But my brain keeps telling me, No!  You're giving up!  You're getting walked on like a door mat.   And then I don't want to be the push over. 
I have discovered give enough to time to back away and think and in that time frame the other person/entity usually makes another action that shows me I wasn't just interpretting things wrong.  That I was on the right path.   
Ugh.  I need a vacation.  Alone. 
This year I've started removing people and things that stress me out.  I heard a GREAT quote by, of all people, Nikki Sixx (whoo whoo), "Cutting negative poisonous people out of my life and doubling and tripling positive people has actually physically changed my life..."  It's been working for me so far and have a few more things to finish up.  The next step for me is to STOP GETTING INVOLVED with negative poisonous people and things.  Sometimes that's easier said than done.  Everyone is nice upfront.  Or I get involved with what is meant to be good things, but once you're a part of it, and you start delving in, you realize, Whoa - this shouldn't be like this. 
Another good quote I heard when listening to the audio book for Eat, Love, Pray: "I will not harbor any ill will thoughts anymore"   I struggle with this.  I tend to hold grudges.  I'm quick to forgive, but ending on a bad note, that could go on for quite awhile with me.  But this does no good!!!!  Anger or hatred (not sure I have any hatred) will EAT YOU UP INSIDE - mentally and physically.  Which is exactly why I've become the non-fighter.
So we come full circle.  That is my happiness, or lack of, today.
Healthwise, I've not dropped a single ounce, but I walked 5 miles today with Phyllis.  And that is a good thing!

1 comment:

Jane said...

Forgiveness is not something we do for other people. We do it for ourselves to get well and move on. I can't remember where I heard this, but sometimes it gets me through the day. You are on the right track. Hang in there!